Maybe it's me, and not you?

All day, I've been asking, "Are you okay?" or "Is something wrong?" and "Are you sure nothings wrong?" and maybe it's just me. And not you.

Maybe I've been asking this question to myself and not realizing it. Because either you are alright and it is just me, or you're lying to me about you being alright and nothing bothering you.

But whatever it may be, at least I know a couple things still:

1. I'm tired and won't be able to sleep for long.
2. Something is off about someone/something today.
3. Tomorrow's a new day.
4. You're amazing.
5. Everything will work out.
And 6. I Love You.


Ever feel helpless, and lonely even when the person you love is laying right next to you? Yeah, Welcome To My World.

Which ones Home?

So, I have not been home in 3 weeks. And I must say that I am a little bit home sick. Yes, I'm only 5 hours and 56 minutes away from my home, but it still feels like I'm half way across the world.

Before this 3 week "vacation", I thought I hated my home... And for a while I think I truly did. But this trip has taught me that, 1. Yes, I may hate my home, but I still miss it. 2. It's not as bad as it seems. and 3. Even when things at my house are out of control, and the family is fighting and I say I hate it, when I go home, I do know that I'll be glad to be there.. Even if that gladness I feel only lasts the 2 minutes that I predict it will last.

And 4. As much as I may be homesick... I really don't want to leave here.



This place, this home, is comfort. I feel stable. And I love it. Leaving here, will probably be one of the hardest things I've had to do. It's not just the leaving this place that will be hard, it's also leaving these people, this family. Leaving this family that I've learned to call my family.

Light My World.

Hm.

People have a way of surprising you when you feel like they don't care. A way of showing they need you in their life and you end up not feeling so upset and helpless and worthless.


They have a certain way of taking that lonleyness feeling and making it go away and making your entire world shine bright away.



You have a special way of making me happy that no one else has the power to do.

All I want..?

Okay, so I might not be the fairest person in the world. And I might not be the nicest, or the prettiest, or the best. And I know I'm not the best girlfriend. In fact, I know I mess up and yell and scream and pout and am no where near perfect. But I do know what is unfair.

And when I want to be with you.. Why won't you let me? Why push me away? Everytime you've asked me to stay, or to just stay laying down, I never once bitch or moan because it makes me feel special that you want me. Why couldn't I have had that? Seriously.

The worst feeling in the world, in my opinion, is feeling lonely when the one you're in love with is laying right next to you.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I say, Fuck Sleep. I kid you not.

Anyways, the point of all that whinning was to get to the moral..(For a lack of a better term.)

- I think, that when someone wants to lose sleep to watch a movie with the one they love, and the one that they love is stayinG up anyways, fuck it, let em.

All I think is that, wanting to spend time with someone is a beautiful thing, and doing it is even better. So many people spend their entire lifes searching for someone special to share it with.. And sometimes a person gets lucky and finds that special someone at a young age and can enjoy it sooner.


I have no idea why I'm even about to post this. But so be it.

"Is it about me??"-E.M.S.

So, I've never had such an urge to take care of someone, to make them happy, and to see their smile so bad.

I've never wanted to wake up and see someone so bad.. Or lose sleep just to look at the perfection on their face. I have the biggest urge to make this guy happier than he has ever been.


So, in the past couple months, my life had changed.
Changed for better, I must say. I've realized who my real friends are and who were never really my friends to begin with. Relationships with family have still been rocky... But they seem to get better. And my love life has come to a complete stop because I offically have found the one guy I know I'd do anything to make it work with.

The saying, "Everyone is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones that are worth The pain." is completely true.
Let me tell you something readers, you should never be afrai to give up a realtionship/friendship with someone if you are having doubts in the first place, or if you know that without that person you'd be better off. Yes, it may seem scaring and you may be hurt for a little while.. But it's worth it in the end and you feel revealed. It's better to give up something or someone rather than holding on to something or someone that you don't want in your life or in the position you want them in with you. Holding onto something that's not right will only make you angry. And anger ladies and gentlemen, is short madness.

emergency medical service

I haven't posted in a while.. but a lot has changed.
Im not going to go into detail or even give an explanation right now because things are so new and fresh that im still trying to comprehend them.


But things are good. And I'm happy.