In those 10 minutes, here is what I realized:
1. I'm in a place that I barely want to be.
2. I need to finish my essays.
3. I've learned more lessons in the past week, than I probably ever have before.
4. I need to blog more.
And last but not least, 5. I don't have any idea about what to write..err..type about tonight.
I already learned a while back that people are going to disappoint me, and that I shouldn't have expectations that are too high..Nor should I have expectations that are limiting to anyone person because it isn't fair to anyone else.
What I learned next was the shocker. I learned that even the people you love the most, can be the people who turn out to hurt you the worst. That the person who can be your best friend, can tare you down like a brick wall instead of adding to the building concrete to make you stronger.
In the past couple days, I've cried..I've ate my emotions away in ice cream..And I have blamed myself for every situation that has gone wrong.
Want to know the problem there? ^^
I blamed myself when it wasn't my fault. And would you like to know how I realized that it wasn't my fault? I was standing in my bathroom and looked in the mirror, and the first thing that popped into my head was, "He's still talking to you..He wasn't mad..And he knew exactly where you were coming from. He supported you. Apologized and even told you that you weren't stupid and to cheer up. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why make it your fault when it's not. Stop."
Yeah, that may sound a tad bit cocky or conceided or whatever else you may call it..But the reality is, it makes sense.
The situation wasn't a big deal..it was just me feeling stupidly awkward after saying something to my best friend. It was me making the situation awkward for the both of us when it didn't need to be.
And want to know something..? We never fought. Didn't argue..And didn't stop talking after that..We both moved on, laughed it off, and grew from that conversation.
And want to know something..? We never fought. Didn't argue..And didn't stop talking after that..We both moved on, laughed it off, and grew from that conversation.
Moral of all this: Don't live in a sick world where you twist everything to be your fault, like I do.
It hurts no one but yourself.
It effects no one more than yourself.
And it only makes matters so much more worse than they need to be.
Readers, let me tell you something...
For all of you out there, who want to say something but won't because of lack of confidence, or shyness or fear of not being able to know exactly how the situation plays out..Just say it.
Seriously, don't hold back. Face your fears..You only learn and grow from the process and situation. You only learn more about yourself. Yeah, whatever you may say can and sometimes will, blow up in your face, but isn't life about taking chances? Making mistakes and learning?
Isn't life one big lesson? One big moral? Tons of lessons? Tons of morals?
Why hide and be afraid? It only hurts you in the end..and effects you the most. There's no point in wondering what would have been, could of been, or complaining about what should of been. Everything happens for a reason, right?
Things are said for a purpose just like things aren't said for a purpose.
Some people are meant to be in your life forever, while others are only meant to make an appearance. And yes, it sucks not knowing which is which, who is who, but isn't that also the beauty of it. Not knowing? Getting proved right..or wrong, and learning. Knowing that you have the ability to be the bigger person when someone leaves..Knowing that you can take a upsetting situation and grew from the good aspects of it and be able to have the chance to apply it to other things in life later on...?
Would you rather know, or not know?
Would you rather know things and prepare and be ready for when they come? Or would you rather not know those things and be clueless to when they appear and be able to address the situation and when it's over..realize what you've learned and take the moral..or lesson(s)..out of it?
Isn't the unknowing mystery of things the beauty learning?
